The Cause of Marriage Problems

"Their marriage had one overriding problem: one was a man, and one was a woman."
Lucy (Julie Kavner), Forget Paris

No Time to Save a Marriage

"I'd do anything to save my marriage but I just haven't got the time."
Frank Luther Broderick (Henry Fonda), Sex and the Single Girl

Marriage Made in Heaven

"Good marriages are made in heaven, or some such place."
Gromeko (Ralph Richardson), Doctor Zhivago (45th Anniversary Edition)

Marriage and Motherhood

"When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children, in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady  so that your children can move.  And when they leave they take your life of details with them.  And then you're expected to move again only you don't remember what moves you because no one has asked in so long. Not even yourself."
Francesca Johnson (Meryl Streep),  The Bridges of Madison County

Marriage as Punishment

"Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."
Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers), Wayne's World

A Bad Meal

“Marriage is like a dull meal with the dessert at the beginning.”
Jose Ferrer (Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec), Moulin Rouge

The Penalty for Sex

"Sex is the game! Marriage is the penalty. Round and round we jog towards each futile anniversary. Pass "Go". Collect 200 rows, 200 silences, 200 scars in the deep places."
Andrew Wyke (Laurence Olivier), Sleuth [VHS]

Ownership Situation

“As soon as you get that ring around your finger, you got an ownership situation.”
Larry Flynt (Woody Harrelson), The People vs. Larry Flynt

Marriage and the Single Life

"Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful."

Ben Holmes (Ben Affleck), quoting Bishop Jeremy Taylor, Forces of Nature

Married is Like an Unfunny Sitcom

"Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever."
Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up (Unrated Widescreen Edition)

(Un)happily Ever After

"We were perfectly happy before we decided to live happily ever after."
Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City: The Movie (Widescreen Edition)

Marriage Agreement

“A marriage is not a timeless agreement -- it is one day.  And each day, it begins anew.”
Marcel (Jean Reno), Couples Retreat

A Witness to Our Lives

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things: all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
Beverly Clark (Susan Sarandon), Shall We Dance? (Widescreen Edition)

Marriage is a Sentence

"Marriage is not a word -- it's a sentence!"
John 'Johnny' Sims (James Murray), THE CROWD (1928) King Vidor (NTSC-IMPORTED FOR ALL REGIONS)

The Man You're Supposed to Marry

"All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband."
Marie (Carrie Fisher), When Harry Met Sally... (Collector's Edition)

How to Catch the Uncatchable

"Sometimes, the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring."
Senior Ed Bloom (Albert Finney), Big Fish

Jack Kevorkian

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"Marriage is the Jack Kevorkian of romance."
Rachel (Rita Wilson), The Story of Us

Like Kleenex

"Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable."
Mrs. White (Madeline Kahn), Clue: The Movie

The Mystery of a Wife

"Even if a husband lives 200 hundred fucking years, he'll never discover his wife's true nature. I may be able to understand the secrets of the universe, but... I'll never understand the truth about you. Never."
Paul (Marlon Brando), Last Tango in Paris

As Soon as Possible

"It's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Harry Burns (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally... (Collector's Edition)